Pioneer of Free Falling

I got the feeling many times in my life that I needed to invent my own way through whatever I was doing. I found out the hard way that that the example I got didn't work for me. Neither did the opposite to that example. So what was I to do?

I try to catch myself when I start thinking that there's a right thing and a wrong thing. I remember when I was a kid, watching old Hollywood movies with Catherine Hepburn, thinking, "Okay. He got into trouble because he did that." Hollywood defined my notion of "sin" as much as the Catholic church did. Argh!

Many tough and interesting experiences taught me not to be so judgemental. When torn up about a life changing decision, a complete stranger walked up to me and said "sometimes wrong is right." My friends burst into laughter when she heard him because we had just been discussion my decision.

It's a great relief to allow myself to be "less than perfect" in my own mind or not to know what I'm going to do next. It's liberating and exciting. I don't mean I don't have a schedule. I mean I don't have to have my life planned out ahead of me. Now sometimes that can be scary too. Deciding to follow a path into a new dimension puts you face to face with the unknown. Where's the security? There is none, you step off the cliff and free fall.

But there is security. It's a security that is not financial. It's not depending on anyone or anything outside of myself. It is a commitment to myself that I will take good care of myself, no matter what situation I'm in. That can mean speaking up for myself and it sometimes means saying no to someone that I love. But more often it means saying no to myself when I want to go back to old patterns of thought.

I am not advocating becoming a vagabond, unless that's what you've always wanted. Nor am I saying that you don't need to plan for our retirement. I'm talking about sensing what's best for myself from the inside, knowing what I know from the outside. It's balancing my head and my heart. It's following the energy that flows from inside. And taking steps towards it.

And then free falling!