Today I had a headache that I stopped me from functioning. So I went to bed. I don't take pills if I can avoid it because I want to know what is happening in my body. It seems luxurious to some, that I take to my bed instead of getting on with it. But, it is my choice and sometimes, I can indulge in the healthiest way I know to heal.
My nap was interrupted by seconds of wakefulness that couldn't be maintained. It was like I was cut off from part of my brain. I was trying to remember in those moments what I had to do for work, but numbers seems to evade me. It was like there was part of me that was trying to get out. I could see these parts but I couldn't get them out when I tried.
When I finally woke up fully, I was concerned. One day, this might be the case. One day, my body or mind or both will break down and what I have to share with the world will be more and more difficult. I thought of a friend whose mother wrote books about how we should keep our minds healthy with games. I thought about the languages I want to learn. But most of all I thought about the love I still needed to express.
My sister came by. She made a remark about how I could sometimes be snappy when I was stressed. I told her I was sorry, that she shouldn't take it personally and that no matter what I love her. She replied "I know". It's not the first time I got this reaction to my heartfelt declarations of love. It seems that those I love know it very well. So maybe the expression of my love is not what is lacking.
Maybe I just need to enjoy expressing it more. Maybe it is simply the awareness of it flowing through me towards others that needs to increase. I am a unique channel for love. I put my own color, flavor, sound and touch to the love that flows through my heart. I suppose all I need to do is watch, feel, smell and hear it flow.
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