Guilt, the arrogant emotion

Some parts of our culture approve of, use and even glorify guilt.

I have issues with guilt. It is self defeating and it sucks the life out of you. If guilt was a boyfriend, he'd beat you up, call you names and make you do stuff you didn't want to do. So I say, break up with guilt.

Guilt paints the world in black and white. It is judgemental. If guilt was a neighbour, it would be gossipy and unforgiving.

There is an antidote for guilt. It is self compassion. If compassion was a lover, it would be kind, gentle, considerate, helpful, but mostly understanding.

Befriend self compassion. How? Even before the guilt has time to arrive, now, for example, take time to be present to your own body and love every cell of it. Love it with your mind. Tell your body it is fabulous. Notice what an efficient organism your body is. Whatever its "flaws", they are there for a reason, love them.

Then you can ask yourself where your guilt comes from? Let me guess. You did something wrong. Who told you this was wrong? Really? Well, guess what? That person doesn't know everything. And neither do you. To assume that a situation is your fault is arrogant. It assumes you knew everything and did the wrong thing on purpose. Did you do it on purpose? No? So if a kid accidentally spills milk, you're going to yell at him and tell him it's all his fault that you have no money with him wasting milk like that? Start the guilt off early!

Or maybe you wanted something badly, so you took a short cut. Did someone ever cheat you out of anything? And that person is rotten to the core, right? No? But you are?

I will tell you a story I heard today. A man was in love with a woman but he was not allowed to marry her. He had to marry her sister. He complied. But one day, both sisters were drowning. He could only save one and he saved the one he loved, not the one he married. The guilt that ensued destroyed his life.

Firstly, he was wronged, not being allowed to marry the woman he loved. Secondly, if he had married the one he loved, maybe the sisters would never have been friends again. They wouldn't have been boating together and fallen in. So while his wife was alive, she still had her sister. We do not always know the good we do, nor the bad. Finally, where did his love for this woman come from? Was it God given? How are we to know what urges, impulses or instincts are good or bad at any given moment?

That is why being friends with yourself might help you make better decisions. Beating yourself up certainly won't.

Practicing self compassion gives us a gentler grip on life. It helps us to see the world and others with more love and beauty. We can finally see that we are never in complete control. We only have control over ourselves and even that control is limited. The more we try to control an impulse, the harder it will fight to be released. Facing it and loving that part of ourself is always a better option. I am not advocating indulgence, but self knowledge. We all have parts of our hearts that are broken. But it's not permanent.